Yesterday, Thursday, began on a good note! I went into the gym and did my routine and when I got to the leg press, I couldn't remember which weights my trainer used, so I put on two 45 lb weights and two 35 lb weights. The press alone is 65 lbs. If you add that up, 225 lbs. Thirty-six reps at 225 lbs. Yes, I did it, but I quickly learned that wasn't the right amount! So today, I went back down to 175 lbs.
After leaving the gym, I decided to go to the Dr. and get weighed. When I stood on the scale, my nurse's face turned into a HUGE happy face! She came back and lifted up six fingers! It's the end of August now (hard to believe right) and I've lost a total of 7 lbs. In July I lost 15. So two months of working out daily and eating better has dropped me 22 lbs. That is a good healthy loss I think and have been told. Let's hope September can be just a tad bit better! :) Also while at the Dr., I asked for my weight to be written down. She did and gave it to me folded in half. I went out to my car, called my mom and told her about the loss. I then drove down to our Bounty Market as it was my friend's birthday. Before getting out of the car, I lifted the top piece of the folded paper to reveal my weight. I broke inside...
I went over and sat down. Another friend who was there and myself started talking about weight and muscle and the gym since we go to the same one. She explained the way muscle is with fat and I wish I could remember it all, but I just can't. I asked if she would explain it to me again. I left a little while later and when I got home, Terry was online and I just lost it. I couldn't stop crying. I felt like a failure and that no one should be inspired by someone who weighs that much. I never wanted to eat again. The face of failure was staring me down.
That night, I went to bed a failure. I didn't write a blog; I couldn't. I wasn't sure sleep would find me, but it did and for the most part, I slept like a log. I woke up to sweet messages from Terry. I had a hard time staying awake because it just felt like depression had found it's way back to my shoulders. Comfortable in bed is where I wanted to stay. At around 9:00, I made the decision to get up and go eat breakfast. I did and then my dad got home a little after 10:00. I went and got my gym clothes on and walked out the door.
Upon arriving at the gym, I took my last puff and headed for the door. I was expecting to see my trainer, but he wasn't there. I scanned my key and headed upstairs. This last week, I've talked to a couple women just very briefly and when I walked into the treadmill room, they were each on one. I was asked how I was doing and if I was getting used to working out. I told her I was, that it was my 5th day in a row! I got on my treadmill, put my earphones on and started walking. Incline at 2.5, my speed at 2.3. My head said just do one lap. I paid attention to the TV while I walked and did some thinking and before I knew it, one lap was done. I moved it up to 2.5. I continued on. I did my two laps and headed downstairs. I beat that negative thought!
I got on the first machine and pushed out the reps. But the last few...I was feeling it. The first three machines I use are only 12 reps and with today, it felt like so much more. So when I had to do the 21 reps, I had to push hard. I refused to quit. I did the leg extensions before the bicep bar because I forgot. But it was nice because it gave my arms a break to be able to do the bar. The leg press I went back to 175. That was tough for me, but not unbearable. After I finished the machines, I sat on the steps of the staircase that would lead me back up to do more cardio. I took a couple minutes and then made my way up. I got on the bike and my head said just do one mile. I came to the finish on the first lap and kept going another mile. I beat that negative thought. I walked back downstairs and told the one working today to have a nice day as I walked out of the gym. The whole time I felt like the world was on my shoulders, making my workout that much harder. I looked up and saw that the Chamber of Commerce was still open. I have two wonderful friends who work there and I needed support.
I walked in and one friend was busy with some customers so I went to my next friend and she hugged me. I sat down and I told her everything from the day before to right then. She held my hand and listened. I couldn't keep the tears inside. I cried and cried. I was so broken down. She then reminded me of the milestones I've reached. Walking into and staying in a gym is one, getting full body photos taken for my journey, asking for my weight because I haven't known it for YEARS...I then began saying my own of getting up to a great amount of weight on the machines at the gym in less than a week of being there, losing 22 pounds, losing 176 pounds off my knees. Together we removed the world from my shoulders. I walked out of the Chamber feeling SO much better. My support Team Jen friends are amazing. They were there when I needed them most and I can never thank them enough.
I got home from the gym and made some lunch. While eating it, I talked with my sweetheart! I told him that yesterday at the gym, a muscle guy was doing the pec deck while I was doing the shoulder press. I had yet to do the pec deck because he was using it and coming back over and over. As I was resting between sets, I watched him for a few seconds in the mirror. He was doing like 130 lbs and he didn't have a "This is so easy" look on his face. He had the look of pain. When he was done, he stood up and walked away breathing hard. And it hit me as clear as day. He didn't start at 130 lbs. He had to build up to it. I don't know why he's lifting that much, if he's going for competition or what, but just the fact that he had to start somewhere. We ALL have to start somewhere. Some can't even leave their homes and yet they find a way. Today when I was leaving, I looked into the free weight room and there, in a wheelchair, was a lady using weights for her arms. It doesn't matter your age or your size your issue. If you have the desire, the fight, the want, the NEED to change your life, no one is stopping you, but yourself. While I was talking to my friend today, I told her, "I see this picture in my head and I'm standing on a road and all my friends who support me are close behind me and there isn't anything in front of me. The road block was myself. The news of my weight and the instant thought of failure. I may have broke, but I picked up the pieces and put them back together. I know many more of these will come and I will always do the same thing...I will always put the pieces back together, because I'm not just creating someone, I'm creating ME. And I will do it.
I guess even the motivator needs motivation at times.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Liquid Awesome!!
A very dear friend of mine left the title of this post on a Facebook status of mine and I'm taking it as my own!!
I'm not sure how many people who go to gyms are proud of their sweat, but I TOTALLY am!! I told my trainer and some friends that I didn't want to change, I wanted to wear my sweat all day because I'm VERY proud of it! Of course I didn't because I had places to go, but it's true. I don't go the gym to look cute. I go to the gym to kick some major butt! I don't have liquid awesome coming down my face because I'm just looking at machines and dreaming about working out on them....I DO THEM AND GET AN AWESOME REWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not just the sweat, hahahaha, but the feeling that I did something awesome for myself! When you've hated yourself for 27+ years and you start liking yourself and eventually loving yourself...it takes you by surprise, but you grab on and go on an endless ride of finding who you are, what you want to do, who you want to be! And it doesn't matter your age. Age is a number and with exercise, health issues can be resolved. I know my blood pressure is doing AWESOME now! Last time I went to the Dr., my blood pressure was 110/60! NEVER in my life have I had that low of blood pressure! He said, "If you keep that up, we'll be taking you off that medication!" RIGHT ON!!!!!
Today, Wednesday, at the gym, I decided I'd write down what machines I use, the amount of weight I do and the sets/rep. If for no other reason, to look back and see how far I've come!
For my warm-up, I walked a 1/2 mile on the treadmill at a 2.5 incline and 2.4 speed. After my warm-up, I start on the machines. This is in order of what I do.
I'm not sure how many people who go to gyms are proud of their sweat, but I TOTALLY am!! I told my trainer and some friends that I didn't want to change, I wanted to wear my sweat all day because I'm VERY proud of it! Of course I didn't because I had places to go, but it's true. I don't go the gym to look cute. I go to the gym to kick some major butt! I don't have liquid awesome coming down my face because I'm just looking at machines and dreaming about working out on them....I DO THEM AND GET AN AWESOME REWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not just the sweat, hahahaha, but the feeling that I did something awesome for myself! When you've hated yourself for 27+ years and you start liking yourself and eventually loving yourself...it takes you by surprise, but you grab on and go on an endless ride of finding who you are, what you want to do, who you want to be! And it doesn't matter your age. Age is a number and with exercise, health issues can be resolved. I know my blood pressure is doing AWESOME now! Last time I went to the Dr., my blood pressure was 110/60! NEVER in my life have I had that low of blood pressure! He said, "If you keep that up, we'll be taking you off that medication!" RIGHT ON!!!!!
Today, Wednesday, at the gym, I decided I'd write down what machines I use, the amount of weight I do and the sets/rep. If for no other reason, to look back and see how far I've come!
For my warm-up, I walked a 1/2 mile on the treadmill at a 2.5 incline and 2.4 speed. After my warm-up, I start on the machines. This is in order of what I do.
- Lateral Pull 3 sets/12 reps per set at 60 lbs
- Pec Deck 3 sets/12 reps per set at 35 lbs
- Military Press 3 sets/12 reps per set at 30 lbs
- Tricep Pull 3 sets/21 reps per set at 45 lbs
- Bicep bar 3 sets/21 reps per set at 25 lbs
- Leg extension 3 sets/12 reps per set at 40 lbs
- Leg press 3 sets/12 reps per set at 155 lbs for the first set...after the first one, my trainer said, "Not gonna lie. That looked really easy!" I looked at him, smiled and said, "Not gonna tell the truth and say you're right!" So he added 10 lbs on each side. The last two sets I did 175 lbs.
- Standing curl (for calves) 3 sets/12 reps per set at 40 lbs.
For cool down I rode two miles on the Espresso Bike.
All in all, I can say I'm really happy with the amount I do with the weights. I see where I'm weakest and those are getting worked on. I haven't gone up in the bicep bar since I've started the gym. I am THRILLED with the weight I can leg press though! I think my trainer was amazed too! And with those, I'm never struggling with doing the sets. My only concern is my knees. I'm sure I could press more, but I'm just worried my knees will backfire on me and that wouldn't set well with me.
I also can't believe the amount I sweat! But you know what? I LOVE EVERY SINGLE BIT OF IT! This is sweat I am SO proud of! I worked my ASS off to sweat like that! And it felt good! But I will be honest and tell you, when I was doing the tricep pull....I wanted to quit SO many times, but I didn't. I just paused when I felt I was losing control of the exercise, but I pushed them out and I was very proud of myself. It just shows me what I need to work on!
This evening we went to dinner. I wasn't too worried about what I'd eat because I still had to swim for an hour. Thankfully, after dinner, that was able to happen and I switched up my laps a bit. I took the two hardest arm exercises and the two hardest leg exercises and I do three of each instead of having three different arm and leg laps and not being able to get through them! But, thankfully, I go at my own pace at the gym and I take breaks between machines. I drink a lot of water while I'm there too. So I swam and burned a little over 1500 calories!
A couple friends of mine have been asking me questions about exercise and stuff and I have to say, that has been the most fun! And from what I've heard, my thoughts and ideas are going to become a reality!
I love how tired I get at night! I could fall asleep in my chair and I haven't taken any medication yet! That tells me I'm doing the right thing!
If any of you that read need motivation or suggestions, please don't hesitate to send me an email or a private message on Facebook. I'll make an email for my blog. When that's complete, I will throw it in here and you can feel free to email me and I'll respond as time permits me too! :) most times you'll have a response within a few hours, even a couple or by the time you wake up in the morning!
If any of you that read need motivation or suggestions, please don't hesitate to send me an email or a private message on Facebook. I'll make an email for my blog. When that's complete, I will throw it in here and you can feel free to email me and I'll respond as time permits me too! :) most times you'll have a response within a few hours, even a couple or by the time you wake up in the morning!
Have a wonderful rest of your week! I hope your weather is being nice for you and that you're able to enjoy the nice weather the end of summer is giving us! Thank you again for reading my blog! It means the world to me and I appreciate it more than you know! Keep Smilin! :)
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Team Jen...Thank You!
Friends. They come, they go. Some find a place in your heart and some leave footprints on their way out.
The past month, almost two months, I have gotten great turn out from my friends on Facebook with my new journey. Many of them I know in person, I would say a good 85%, and the others are very dear to my heart. And one of them is the best thing that's ever happened to me!
During one of my meetings, I was told I have a good Team Jen on my side and I took that and brought it to Facebook. And I have to say, when I can post a new status and I have 15 likes in the first 14 minutes of it being up, I don't have just friends, I have Team Jen friends. They are there to support me and just them liking my status, THAT is support. What they may not know is, I may be motivating them, but THEY are motivating ME! They don't have to leave a comment, I know they care. And it's not that they JUST care, they want to see me succeed just as I want to succeed.
All my life, I can honestly say, I have wanted to be an inspiration to people. And in my 37 years of life, I feel as if that is happening now. And I know it's happening now. When a friend tells you they got home from work and didn't want to go to the gym and yet when they read my status, they got their bag and went to the gym. The pride that wells up inside of me for them is outstanding! To be told I'm being followed because they look up to me and I motivate them. I thought I would leave this world never having touched a life. I figured the legacy I would leave would dry up and die with me. But that was before I realized I want to be WHO I AM SUPPOSE TO BE. And right now, I'm not that person. But I am on the right path to find her!
Today I was asked what goals I have for myself. They weren't hard to think of. :) I want to be able to buy clothes in a normal store. I want to be able to go to a concert and buy a shirt because I'll actually wear it. For the last five years I've gone to the same concert in Portland. The last four I've gotten t-shirts because we were VIPs. I can't wear them. I have a shirt from when I saw Celine Dion live in Vegas. I have a shirt from when I did Krav Maga. I can't wear them. It's very sad when you're the one who can't buy or wear anything you really think is cute in normal stores. By normal, I'm talking away from Lane Bryant, Avenue, Big Gals, Catherine's....more like Khols, JCPenny, Ross Dress for Less, Fred Meyer...CLOTHES! THAT FIT! That is a HUGE goal I have! To dress CUTE! I'm 37 and I hide in the color black. Another goal I have is when I get down in weight, to get a Dragon Pride t-shirt from the Chamber here in Dallas. And my other goal, I want to be happy. I...want to be happy. I haven't been and I know I've been WAAAAAAAAAY more happy than in the past and it's real! It's a true and honest happiness! I just want to be happy with ME! To know I don't have to think about what's right or wrong to wear...if I'm going to look more fat or less fat in something. I want to put it on and wear it with pride because dogonit, I worked my ASS off to get this far and I'm NOT going to keep it closed in.
My NUMBER ONE goal in ALL of this...is to help those who don't feel like they deserve to be happy, to those who don't feel they're worth it. To those who want to find themselves. In the last couple of years, I've worked on my life and the steps I've taken have helped me get to this point. The one thing I know, very deep in my heart, is that you are never overweight because you want to be. Or need to be. There is something deep inside that is causing it to happen. And that goes for the other end as well....those who starve themselves, those who binge and purge. I've seen it, I've done it. I understand and I empathize with you. I truly hope you can feel my heart in reading this because I'm pouring it out. My goal is to help those who want it. You have to REALLY want it. And you have to REALLY want it for YOURSELF.
Thank you to each and every single one of you who has climbed on board Team Jen. Even if you don't think you're doing anything, just your "likes" is enough! You each hold a very special place in my heart and be ready, because in a year or so, there's going to be a big celebration and you're ALL invited!! :)
I'll leave you with a photo of one of my favorite motivational pictures....it's a HUGE help to me and it's my desktop photo. Sorry it's so small. Save it and zoom in! :)
The past month, almost two months, I have gotten great turn out from my friends on Facebook with my new journey. Many of them I know in person, I would say a good 85%, and the others are very dear to my heart. And one of them is the best thing that's ever happened to me!
During one of my meetings, I was told I have a good Team Jen on my side and I took that and brought it to Facebook. And I have to say, when I can post a new status and I have 15 likes in the first 14 minutes of it being up, I don't have just friends, I have Team Jen friends. They are there to support me and just them liking my status, THAT is support. What they may not know is, I may be motivating them, but THEY are motivating ME! They don't have to leave a comment, I know they care. And it's not that they JUST care, they want to see me succeed just as I want to succeed.
All my life, I can honestly say, I have wanted to be an inspiration to people. And in my 37 years of life, I feel as if that is happening now. And I know it's happening now. When a friend tells you they got home from work and didn't want to go to the gym and yet when they read my status, they got their bag and went to the gym. The pride that wells up inside of me for them is outstanding! To be told I'm being followed because they look up to me and I motivate them. I thought I would leave this world never having touched a life. I figured the legacy I would leave would dry up and die with me. But that was before I realized I want to be WHO I AM SUPPOSE TO BE. And right now, I'm not that person. But I am on the right path to find her!
Today I was asked what goals I have for myself. They weren't hard to think of. :) I want to be able to buy clothes in a normal store. I want to be able to go to a concert and buy a shirt because I'll actually wear it. For the last five years I've gone to the same concert in Portland. The last four I've gotten t-shirts because we were VIPs. I can't wear them. I have a shirt from when I saw Celine Dion live in Vegas. I have a shirt from when I did Krav Maga. I can't wear them. It's very sad when you're the one who can't buy or wear anything you really think is cute in normal stores. By normal, I'm talking away from Lane Bryant, Avenue, Big Gals, Catherine's....more like Khols, JCPenny, Ross Dress for Less, Fred Meyer...CLOTHES! THAT FIT! That is a HUGE goal I have! To dress CUTE! I'm 37 and I hide in the color black. Another goal I have is when I get down in weight, to get a Dragon Pride t-shirt from the Chamber here in Dallas. And my other goal, I want to be happy. I...want to be happy. I haven't been and I know I've been WAAAAAAAAAY more happy than in the past and it's real! It's a true and honest happiness! I just want to be happy with ME! To know I don't have to think about what's right or wrong to wear...if I'm going to look more fat or less fat in something. I want to put it on and wear it with pride because dogonit, I worked my ASS off to get this far and I'm NOT going to keep it closed in.
My NUMBER ONE goal in ALL of this...is to help those who don't feel like they deserve to be happy, to those who don't feel they're worth it. To those who want to find themselves. In the last couple of years, I've worked on my life and the steps I've taken have helped me get to this point. The one thing I know, very deep in my heart, is that you are never overweight because you want to be. Or need to be. There is something deep inside that is causing it to happen. And that goes for the other end as well....those who starve themselves, those who binge and purge. I've seen it, I've done it. I understand and I empathize with you. I truly hope you can feel my heart in reading this because I'm pouring it out. My goal is to help those who want it. You have to REALLY want it. And you have to REALLY want it for YOURSELF.
Thank you to each and every single one of you who has climbed on board Team Jen. Even if you don't think you're doing anything, just your "likes" is enough! You each hold a very special place in my heart and be ready, because in a year or so, there's going to be a big celebration and you're ALL invited!! :)
I'll leave you with a photo of one of my favorite motivational pictures....it's a HUGE help to me and it's my desktop photo. Sorry it's so small. Save it and zoom in! :)
Monday, August 26, 2013
Helpful Tips...I hope!
In June, my mom and a friend went to a conference on Wellness and the speaker there, who I would love to meet one day, was Deborah Enos, CN The One-Minute Wellness Coach. She has written a book called Weight a minute! Transform your health in 60 seconds a day! I recommend reading it. Mine is highlighted and underlined throughout it and those are the tips I'd like to share with you! On Amazon, the paperback goes for $10.49 and the Kindle Edition is $6.99!
(The blue text is me talking!)
This is the first part of the book.
From the book: Increase your food, decrease your waistline
What:
You're eating a lot less and still can't lose weight. You are beginning to wonder how you can possibly cut back more. This approach is ineffective. The more you reduce your calories, the more you turn down your metabolism. The lower your metabolism, the less fat and calories you burn.
Why:
Here's how it works: The body gets used to functioning on a certain number of calories daily, let's say 1,500. If you reduce that number by a small amount, say 300, you will lose some weight. But if you continue to lower your caloric intake (instead of increasing exercise) your body will go into starvation mode and try to protect itself by burning very little fat and slowing down your metabolic rate. Your body, especially a woman's body, likes to have extra fat, just in case there is a famine around the corner.
From the book: Are you a fat-burning machine or a fat-making machine?
What:
The world is divided into two types of people, those who can eat anything they want and still maintain their weight, and those who look at a piece of cake and gain weight. The former burn up calories and fat as fast as they eat them and the latter store those calories as fat for the winter, 12 months a year.
Why:
Some people are born with a high metabolism, but it is possible to rev up slow metabolism and turn your body into a fat-burning machine.
How:
There are two keys to turning your body into a fat-burning machine:
(The blue text is me talking!)
This is the first part of the book.
- Always eat a high-energy breakfast. This meal should be large enough to keep you full for a least three hours. Include protein here to keep you fuller and more alert through the morning.
- Always eat lunch! Skipping it will set you up to be starving all afternoon, which will make you give into your sugar cravings, which will cause the afternoon doldrums to hit, which will make you want to take a nap.
- Make dinner the smallest meal of the day. If you eat a substantial mid-afternoon snack you won't be as hungry at dinner.
From the book: Increase your food, decrease your waistline
What:
You're eating a lot less and still can't lose weight. You are beginning to wonder how you can possibly cut back more. This approach is ineffective. The more you reduce your calories, the more you turn down your metabolism. The lower your metabolism, the less fat and calories you burn.
Why:
Here's how it works: The body gets used to functioning on a certain number of calories daily, let's say 1,500. If you reduce that number by a small amount, say 300, you will lose some weight. But if you continue to lower your caloric intake (instead of increasing exercise) your body will go into starvation mode and try to protect itself by burning very little fat and slowing down your metabolic rate. Your body, especially a woman's body, likes to have extra fat, just in case there is a famine around the corner.
- Cut back on a small amount of calories while increasing your exercise. The exercise will add muscle to your body and more muscle will increase your metabolism so that you will be a fat-burning machine all day long. You will burn more calories while you sleep, eat, work and play.
- Eat all day. Spreading your calories throughout the day prompts your body to burn more calories. Every time you eat, you raise your body temperature, which is, in essence, your metabolism. People who eat five to six times per day burn more calories and lose more weight then people who eat only one or two meals a day.
- Eat the majority of your calories during the day, when you need the most energy. If your biggest meal of the day is right before bed, your body has no opportunity to burn off those calories through activity.
- Eat within a half-hour of getting up. Your metabolism sleeps while you sleep. It needs a little food to wake it up in the morning. As soon as you eat, it reports to work and starts burning fat and calories. It doesn't take a huge breakfast to turn on your metabolism. If you're not hungry in the morning, start your day with a hundred-calorie snack--a piece of fruit or a glass of milk.
From the book: Are you a fat-burning machine or a fat-making machine?
What:
The world is divided into two types of people, those who can eat anything they want and still maintain their weight, and those who look at a piece of cake and gain weight. The former burn up calories and fat as fast as they eat them and the latter store those calories as fat for the winter, 12 months a year.
Why:
Some people are born with a high metabolism, but it is possible to rev up slow metabolism and turn your body into a fat-burning machine.
How:
There are two keys to turning your body into a fat-burning machine:
- Add more muscle to your body. One pound of muscle burns approximately 80 calories a day. One pound of fat burns only two calories a day. Choose exercises that will add muscle to your frame and increase your daily calorie burn.
- Burn calories, don't cut them. People who have lost weight and kept it off know the importance of staying active. In fact, a recent study on fidgeting shows that multiple movements throughout the day can play a tremendous role in weight loss and weight-loss maintenance (Levine and Eberhardt 1999). Many people in the study moved enough to burn an extra 850 calories a day, the equivalent of an 8.5 mile walk!
Here are a few ways to add muscle to your body and increase calories burned:
- Take the stairs. An extra 10 minutes of stair climbing a day will burn 12 pounds of fat a year.
- Do standing push-ups against your kitchen or bathroom counter.
- Do lunges or squats while on the phone or watching TV.
- Work in the garden.
- Actively play (lifting and moving) with kids.
- Walk more. An extra 10 minutes of walking each day will burn almost 5 pounds of fat a year. It really does pay to park your car in the farthest space from the store.
- Link your house chores into one long cardio segment. Start your day by raking leaves, then wash the car and walk the dog. These activities could add up to an hour or more of fat burning.
- Throw away your remote control and actually walk over to the TV to change the channel.
- Just move. Any activity is better than no activity.
We all have those friends who can eat anything and stay thin huh? And you just wanna punch em in the arm! But sometimes, it's okay to fight for what you want. In the end, you have only one person to be proud of and that's you!
This morning I got up and the back of my right knee was like in a cramp or something. I thought it might keep me from the gym, but then I really did wake up and didn't let that happen! I had a semi big breakfast and I learned my lesson on that, especially if I'm working out at the gym in the morning, which I like best. For breakfast I had oatmeal, a banana, a small glass of milk, two pieces of toast with peanut butter and a hard boiled egg. Something I learned today, the yoke of an egg is 13 grams of fat. I doubt that will stop me from eating them, but who knows! Changes are happening!
So after I ate, I got ready for the gym. I got there around 10 and I walked in, hung my keys up and headed upstairs. I'm starting very slowly on the Elliptical and today I did 3.5 minutes. I'm trying to up it each day. I take small breaks, but it stops counting my time so when I go back to it, it takes off where I stopped. When I was done with that, I went downstairs and looked for the machine I start with. I finally found it and got started with my routine. Busted out the weight and went up on a few. I do a LOT of arm machines so by the time I get to my legs, I'm happy! When I got to the leg press, I asked my trainer how much weight we used before and I asked if we could put more on. Before he added 50 lbs. So I lifted 115 lbs. Just doing the machine w/o any added weight is 65 lbs. Today though, Monday, he first put on 70 lbs extra...135 lbs total. That wasn't tough at all. He took those off and added 90 lbs...making the full weight 155 lbs. That was it! When he was done adding the 90 lbs, I asked him how much weight that is total and when he said 155, I just about screamed for joy! I did a complete set with 155 lbs! That is my limit as of this time. After that, I went and sat on the stairs before I headed upstairs for my cool down. I knew I had to or my legs wouldn't have made it up! They were worn down from the leg presses. I waited about a minute or so and then I dragged myself up the stairs! Only three flights...UGH! I made it up there and wanted to find a seat, but the only one I knew I needed was the bike. Ha ha! I got there and rode a 2 miles bike ride for my cool down. I walked out of the gym at 11:30.
I came home and had a small lunch and then talked with Terry! That always makes my day 100% better! :) I watched some TV and around 5, I started cooking the chicken breast for my salad. Ate that for dinner and then got ready to go swimming. It was raining outside and I love swimming in the rain so I drove to the pool and swam for an hour! Came home, took a shower and started writing this! It's a rather long one, but I wanted to give you some tips that maybe you can take and use as you begin your new journey if you're choosing to start one.
I hope you had a great first day to your week! Here's onto the next one! Remember to share a smile...you never know whose life you may bring sunshine to. :)
Sunday, August 25, 2013
A New Week
Today, Sunday, was my day off. My plan for this week is to hit the gym every day. However, I talked to my trainer and asked him if I could go through my routine twice, back to back. He said if I don't feel like I'm getting enough, we can step it up. I told him that I have a huge goal to meet by June and about my right shoulder being just about unusable on Saturday. Which, by the way, is feeling MUCH better today! I have zero pain anywhere! So he said we'll step it up! I cannot tell you how excited I am to get to the gym tomorrow!!
Saturday afternoon I told Terry that I had the sudden desire to go down to the gym and work out, I had a desire to work so hard sweat poured off me. On Friday when I was there, I looked at my trainer and said, "I haven't sweat like this since I was doing Krav and that was in 2005!!" He just smiled! Sometimes that smile scares me! But I know he's on Team Jen too!
I'm going back and forth about going swimming before the gym. I'm going to be working really hard at the gym and I think I'd like to put my energy into that and then perhaps swim in the evening. And I don't want to be so sore I can't go the next day. I want to hit it every day so I can go in to get weighed on Friday and see what it does for me. I think tomorrow I'll try the gym first!
I got the best surprise in my life this afternoon! I was at my cousin's 1st birthday party and while talking to my Aunt, my phone rang. I didn't answer it. So when I went to sit down at the picnic table, I checked my phone and my missed called was from My Love. I almost dropped my phone. I was thinking, "Terry called me? He can't call me, he doesn't have talk....oh my gosh!" So I checked the voicemail and sure enough....I heard him! I wanted to scream! I got this HUGE smile on my face and my mom asked me if it was Terry! I nodded my head and told her that I wouldn't be back! I headed out of the area of the party, as far as I could, and when Terry answered his phone, I almost lost it! I was BEYOND excited!!!!!!!! I'm smiling from ear to ear as I even write this part! My heart filled up with so much joy and warmth! It was awesome!! We talked for probably 45 minutes! It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I shot past Cloud 9 and landed among the stars!!
I know I said my next blog would be helpful tips from the book I'm reading, but I promise to do that tomorrow, Monday! I hope you had a great weekend! Mine started good and ended AWESOME! Have a wonderful week! See you tomorrow! :)
Saturday afternoon I told Terry that I had the sudden desire to go down to the gym and work out, I had a desire to work so hard sweat poured off me. On Friday when I was there, I looked at my trainer and said, "I haven't sweat like this since I was doing Krav and that was in 2005!!" He just smiled! Sometimes that smile scares me! But I know he's on Team Jen too!
I'm going back and forth about going swimming before the gym. I'm going to be working really hard at the gym and I think I'd like to put my energy into that and then perhaps swim in the evening. And I don't want to be so sore I can't go the next day. I want to hit it every day so I can go in to get weighed on Friday and see what it does for me. I think tomorrow I'll try the gym first!
I got the best surprise in my life this afternoon! I was at my cousin's 1st birthday party and while talking to my Aunt, my phone rang. I didn't answer it. So when I went to sit down at the picnic table, I checked my phone and my missed called was from My Love. I almost dropped my phone. I was thinking, "Terry called me? He can't call me, he doesn't have talk....oh my gosh!" So I checked the voicemail and sure enough....I heard him! I wanted to scream! I got this HUGE smile on my face and my mom asked me if it was Terry! I nodded my head and told her that I wouldn't be back! I headed out of the area of the party, as far as I could, and when Terry answered his phone, I almost lost it! I was BEYOND excited!!!!!!!! I'm smiling from ear to ear as I even write this part! My heart filled up with so much joy and warmth! It was awesome!! We talked for probably 45 minutes! It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I shot past Cloud 9 and landed among the stars!!
I know I said my next blog would be helpful tips from the book I'm reading, but I promise to do that tomorrow, Monday! I hope you had a great weekend! Mine started good and ended AWESOME! Have a wonderful week! See you tomorrow! :)
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Little Things
A couple weeks into my new way of living, I started to notice things were getting easier to do. I think, that alone, was a HUGE push for me to keep going! Normally, it would scare me to see change. I saw it as I was losing my protection and I would be hurt again. But whatever clicked inside of me, it threw away the fear of being hurt. So when I see changes, no matter how small, I love it!
One of the first things I noticed was, when I would go through a tighter place, I wouldn't touch the sides. Chairs that were too tight at the hip area...not as tight anymore. Getting dressed and when you put your shirt on, your arms swim in the arm holes...esp in long sleeve. And all I was doing then was swimming every day. I saw the changes of that and I was thrilled!
The simple act of taking a shower. That used to wear me out. I'd have to sit on the side of the tub for a few minutes to catch my breath. That was a PITA (Pain in the arse). And just drying off...it took work and now...it's not hard at all. I'm way more flexible again and inches are coming off. Even if I don't lose pounds, I know I'm losing inches! I've also noticed my lap is getting more room! This has been a big issue for me since that is where most of my weight is. But it's coming off and I know it's inches, so I am extremely happy!
Along with seeing the little things that are changing, it doesn't take much to do something. Because something is better than nothing! I have six different motivational photos in my bathroom...this is one of them...
One of the first things I noticed was, when I would go through a tighter place, I wouldn't touch the sides. Chairs that were too tight at the hip area...not as tight anymore. Getting dressed and when you put your shirt on, your arms swim in the arm holes...esp in long sleeve. And all I was doing then was swimming every day. I saw the changes of that and I was thrilled!
The simple act of taking a shower. That used to wear me out. I'd have to sit on the side of the tub for a few minutes to catch my breath. That was a PITA (Pain in the arse). And just drying off...it took work and now...it's not hard at all. I'm way more flexible again and inches are coming off. Even if I don't lose pounds, I know I'm losing inches! I've also noticed my lap is getting more room! This has been a big issue for me since that is where most of my weight is. But it's coming off and I know it's inches, so I am extremely happy!
Along with seeing the little things that are changing, it doesn't take much to do something. Because something is better than nothing! I have six different motivational photos in my bathroom...this is one of them...
So no matter what you do, if you're doing SOMETHING, you're ahead of everyone who isn't doing anything!! I don't know many people who don't like music...who will admit to making up dances to songs when you were younger? Heck yeah I did! Electric Youth by Debbie Gibson! I danced to that song all the time! And we all know music has gotten a bit better since then! I'm not saying you have to go out and dance in your yard! Do it in your house, in your bedroom, if you have kids, have them join in! Include them! It's never too early to teach a healthy way of living. It's never too late either.
I'm not a coach, I'm not an exercise pro. I'm just a woman finding herself after being lost for 27 years. And if I can give ANY glimmer of hope, ANY inspiration, that is my ultimate goal. If you have questions, I will do my best to answer them. In my next post I'll talk about what I changed in order to start succeeding at this new journey!
An Answer to Prayer
The first week of July, I decided to start my new journey. A new month, easy to keep track. Perfect! I went to the pool and I started out just kicking as I stayed in the middle of the 9 ft. A week later I decided to start doing laps. I did one lap of using just my arms and one lap of just using my legs. On the night I wasn't able to swim, I decided to ride my bike and quickly found out I had a very serious issue...I couldn't breathe. I slowly made my way home and when I walked through the door, I got a glass of water and went to sit down. It took me a good hour and a half before I was able to take a full breath. The next evening I went swimming and figured I'd be safe to do some serious laps. I did two free-style laps and that was it. I couldn't breathe. I hung onto the side of the pool, trying with all I had to get that one breath I needed. A few minutes later I was able to get it. I just stayed on the side and kicked. That night, Terry asked me if I had ever had asthma. I researched it and sure enough...
The next week I started doing laps the way I first had done them...a lap with just arms and a lap with just legs, but I upped it to three laps of each for a 1/2 hour. The next week I changed it up to an hour. Again, I did 3 laps. On the Friday of that week, I added four laps. I got three days in of the four laps and the pool was closed due to an algae break out. Great...no swimming. Guess I'll ride the bike. That evening I was talking to a friend of mine that owns a gym in Dallas. She told me to print out a free three day pass. I did. And for the three days the pool was closed, I went to the gym and rode bike and used the rowing machine. On my third day of going for free, I had talked to my mom about joining the gym. After a much heated discussion, it wasn't going to happen. With feeling very defeated, I drove down to the gym and rode 3.2 miles on the bike and pushed out as many rows as I could on the rowing machine. That didn't take all the stress away, but enough for me to see clearly again.
The pool remained closed for the rest of that week and I was BEYOND thrilled to have it opened again when it was fixed! I made my way over there every morning, turned on my music, used my inhaler, oh yeah, I had gone to the Dr. after I couldn't breathe with exercising and it was determined I have on set asthma with exercising. So, I got in the pool and busted out an hour of four laps each. By the end, I was feeling awesome and very productive. I'm not 100% sure how to say or explain the laps I did....all together, I was doing around 32ish laps in the hour.
August rolled around and I continued with the four laps. Our camping vacation was coming up and instead of upping it to five laps, I stuck with the four.
While camping, I was shoved to the front of the test my self-control line. For the month of July, I kept track of what I was eating, how many calories I was eating and staying with it. I made sure that I had my food while we camped. I never ate any of the dinners that were made while camping. I had my chicken Cesar salad. Doughnuts were bought and let me tell you...the temptation to just have ONE, hit me so hard over and over. I finally picked up the boxes and checked the calories. That was all it took. The desire faded away. But the last day of camping, my nephew had gotten one of the last on and I called him over to me and asked for a bite. He was very kind and let me take one. I kept that piece in my mouth for a minute or so, just enjoying the yummy goodness in my mouth. I swallowed and vowed to not do that again. (I didn't say never, but it's pretty close to that). The day before was my mom's birthday, the 17th, and we had pizza for dinner. Yes, I ate some. Later that evening, my brothers and SIL brought back small cupcakes. I had one. And it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good!!!! The bad part though, I wasn't working out as I should have. My intention was to walk, but that never happened. The last few nights, I rode bike with my sister-in-law and niece. That felt great! But I just didn't have an appetite. My SIL suggested it was because I hadn't been working out. I believe she hit the nail on the head. :)
Also, to add, I had been going to my Dr.'s every Friday to get weighed. In the month of July, I lost a total of 16 pounds!
We got back from camping and when I got back into the pool, I decided I was going to bypass five laps and go to six. So now I swim for an hour and do approx 60 laps. The CD I made of upbeat songs is an hour so that works out awesome.
This last week, my mom and I went to lunch and I asked her about the gym, again. My counselor and I figured out that I'd have to sell 200 cards to make the money for the gym. I didn't have the faith to see that happening. On the way home that evening, I decided to tell my mom what my friend, who owns the gym, offered to me. Instantly my mom said, "JEN! That's an answer to prayer!!!" So I text my friend and we made arrangements to talk the next day. This was August 21st, just a few days ago. I decided to take on what was handed to me and my gym membership is taken care of. THAT right THERE shows me that God is totally in control and He's opening all the doors I need to get healthy so I can do what I was made to do for Him! So after our meeting, we walked to the gym and she asked her son, who works at the gym, if he would help me get a plan going. He asked me when would be a good time and I said, "Well, whatcha doin' now?" Just those four words set my life in a whole new direction. I walked out of the gym an hour and a half later feeling like I just conquered a huge mountain and won! My desire was to go the next day, but when I woke up, yeah that most likely wasn't going to happen. I didn't want to get up and into the pool, but I did it. I swam for an hour and let me tell ya, the muscles I found at the gym, are used while swimming and OMGOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was the most painful swim I had EVER had! But you know what? I was SO stoked! Why? Because the pain I was feeling was GOOD pain and I PUT IT THERE ON PURPOSE!!!!!!!!!!!! I caused this pain and it showed me and told me that I was making HUGE changes in my life and body and I am MORE than ready for it!!! That night I went for a bike ride and rode the farthest and longest I had yet to date on my own, away from the gym. I was very proud of myself! And boy did my legs cuss me out! hahahaha
Today, Friday, for another 27 minutes, I wanted to go to the gym. My plan was to go after my writing class. That didn't happen. My mom and I went to Subway for lunch instead. At 3:30, I drove home from Monmouth, let my dog out, changed my clothes, put my dog away, and drove down to the gym. And once again, I was in for a very exciting day!
I started out on the elliptical. I did that on Wednesday as well and only did a minute forty-five...very little, but a lot for me. Remember, I'm starting at ground level. Today, I was on it for three minutes!!!!! I made my way downstairs and started on my plan. Oooooooooh did my arms remind me of the pain I caused them. I slapped them, told myself I GOT THIS and busted out what I had to do. As I gave my trainer a high five, a fly would have laughed at that! Talk about weak! We got the arms done and we moved onto the legs. I did the two machines and then I got on the leg press. I couldn't do this one on Wed because I wasn't wearing the right shoes. I did today!! I asked my trainer how much weight was there. He told me he would tell me when I was done. So I did one set and asked him again. He said, "Sixty-five pounds." I was like, "REALLY?" He laughed and nodded. I asked if we could add weight. He added 25 lbs to each side. Now, I suck at math so I was just into pressing the weight. Chris said, "That's 115 lbs." I got done with my second set and said, "WHAT?!" He laughed and said "Yep!" I WAS ECSTATIC!!! I did my last set and asked him if I could do another one. I did THREE MORE!!!!!!!!!!! I think he was pretty happy with that! I know I was over the moon thrilled!!! It's funny how with some things my legs are weak, but with others, they're strong! YAY!!! For my cool down, instead of walking on the treadmill, I decided to ride bike. So I walked upstairs and rode 1.5 miles for my cool down, through the Red Woods. It was a lovely ride and also the least painful one. I had no problem doing the whole course w/o pausing! This weekend I will swim and ride bike. Next week I plan to be at the gym every day and I will go into my Dr. on Friday and see how the gym is helping me! I'm learning A LOT from my trainer and a book I'm reading about healthy eating!
The changes I have made in my life are nothing short of a miracle. I'm learning that I'm worth getting healthy. And I'm not calling this a diet, I'm not saying I'm losing weight..............I'm getting healthy! Diets fade, weight comes back on......I'm getting healthy and I'm staying healthy. Eating right and exercising is now a permanent doing in my life!!!
God opened the door for me to go to the gym. He gave me the man who was made for me. And He gave me an awesome group of supportive friends and family! I am truly a very blessed woman who is never giving up on herself again!
I GOT THIS!!!!!
I CAN DO THIS!!!
Two of my favorite sayings now!!! :)
The next week I started doing laps the way I first had done them...a lap with just arms and a lap with just legs, but I upped it to three laps of each for a 1/2 hour. The next week I changed it up to an hour. Again, I did 3 laps. On the Friday of that week, I added four laps. I got three days in of the four laps and the pool was closed due to an algae break out. Great...no swimming. Guess I'll ride the bike. That evening I was talking to a friend of mine that owns a gym in Dallas. She told me to print out a free three day pass. I did. And for the three days the pool was closed, I went to the gym and rode bike and used the rowing machine. On my third day of going for free, I had talked to my mom about joining the gym. After a much heated discussion, it wasn't going to happen. With feeling very defeated, I drove down to the gym and rode 3.2 miles on the bike and pushed out as many rows as I could on the rowing machine. That didn't take all the stress away, but enough for me to see clearly again.
The pool remained closed for the rest of that week and I was BEYOND thrilled to have it opened again when it was fixed! I made my way over there every morning, turned on my music, used my inhaler, oh yeah, I had gone to the Dr. after I couldn't breathe with exercising and it was determined I have on set asthma with exercising. So, I got in the pool and busted out an hour of four laps each. By the end, I was feeling awesome and very productive. I'm not 100% sure how to say or explain the laps I did....all together, I was doing around 32ish laps in the hour.
August rolled around and I continued with the four laps. Our camping vacation was coming up and instead of upping it to five laps, I stuck with the four.
While camping, I was shoved to the front of the test my self-control line. For the month of July, I kept track of what I was eating, how many calories I was eating and staying with it. I made sure that I had my food while we camped. I never ate any of the dinners that were made while camping. I had my chicken Cesar salad. Doughnuts were bought and let me tell you...the temptation to just have ONE, hit me so hard over and over. I finally picked up the boxes and checked the calories. That was all it took. The desire faded away. But the last day of camping, my nephew had gotten one of the last on and I called him over to me and asked for a bite. He was very kind and let me take one. I kept that piece in my mouth for a minute or so, just enjoying the yummy goodness in my mouth. I swallowed and vowed to not do that again. (I didn't say never, but it's pretty close to that). The day before was my mom's birthday, the 17th, and we had pizza for dinner. Yes, I ate some. Later that evening, my brothers and SIL brought back small cupcakes. I had one. And it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good!!!! The bad part though, I wasn't working out as I should have. My intention was to walk, but that never happened. The last few nights, I rode bike with my sister-in-law and niece. That felt great! But I just didn't have an appetite. My SIL suggested it was because I hadn't been working out. I believe she hit the nail on the head. :)
Also, to add, I had been going to my Dr.'s every Friday to get weighed. In the month of July, I lost a total of 16 pounds!
We got back from camping and when I got back into the pool, I decided I was going to bypass five laps and go to six. So now I swim for an hour and do approx 60 laps. The CD I made of upbeat songs is an hour so that works out awesome.
This last week, my mom and I went to lunch and I asked her about the gym, again. My counselor and I figured out that I'd have to sell 200 cards to make the money for the gym. I didn't have the faith to see that happening. On the way home that evening, I decided to tell my mom what my friend, who owns the gym, offered to me. Instantly my mom said, "JEN! That's an answer to prayer!!!" So I text my friend and we made arrangements to talk the next day. This was August 21st, just a few days ago. I decided to take on what was handed to me and my gym membership is taken care of. THAT right THERE shows me that God is totally in control and He's opening all the doors I need to get healthy so I can do what I was made to do for Him! So after our meeting, we walked to the gym and she asked her son, who works at the gym, if he would help me get a plan going. He asked me when would be a good time and I said, "Well, whatcha doin' now?" Just those four words set my life in a whole new direction. I walked out of the gym an hour and a half later feeling like I just conquered a huge mountain and won! My desire was to go the next day, but when I woke up, yeah that most likely wasn't going to happen. I didn't want to get up and into the pool, but I did it. I swam for an hour and let me tell ya, the muscles I found at the gym, are used while swimming and OMGOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was the most painful swim I had EVER had! But you know what? I was SO stoked! Why? Because the pain I was feeling was GOOD pain and I PUT IT THERE ON PURPOSE!!!!!!!!!!!! I caused this pain and it showed me and told me that I was making HUGE changes in my life and body and I am MORE than ready for it!!! That night I went for a bike ride and rode the farthest and longest I had yet to date on my own, away from the gym. I was very proud of myself! And boy did my legs cuss me out! hahahaha
Today, Friday, for another 27 minutes, I wanted to go to the gym. My plan was to go after my writing class. That didn't happen. My mom and I went to Subway for lunch instead. At 3:30, I drove home from Monmouth, let my dog out, changed my clothes, put my dog away, and drove down to the gym. And once again, I was in for a very exciting day!
I started out on the elliptical. I did that on Wednesday as well and only did a minute forty-five...very little, but a lot for me. Remember, I'm starting at ground level. Today, I was on it for three minutes!!!!! I made my way downstairs and started on my plan. Oooooooooh did my arms remind me of the pain I caused them. I slapped them, told myself I GOT THIS and busted out what I had to do. As I gave my trainer a high five, a fly would have laughed at that! Talk about weak! We got the arms done and we moved onto the legs. I did the two machines and then I got on the leg press. I couldn't do this one on Wed because I wasn't wearing the right shoes. I did today!! I asked my trainer how much weight was there. He told me he would tell me when I was done. So I did one set and asked him again. He said, "Sixty-five pounds." I was like, "REALLY?" He laughed and nodded. I asked if we could add weight. He added 25 lbs to each side. Now, I suck at math so I was just into pressing the weight. Chris said, "That's 115 lbs." I got done with my second set and said, "WHAT?!" He laughed and said "Yep!" I WAS ECSTATIC!!! I did my last set and asked him if I could do another one. I did THREE MORE!!!!!!!!!!! I think he was pretty happy with that! I know I was over the moon thrilled!!! It's funny how with some things my legs are weak, but with others, they're strong! YAY!!! For my cool down, instead of walking on the treadmill, I decided to ride bike. So I walked upstairs and rode 1.5 miles for my cool down, through the Red Woods. It was a lovely ride and also the least painful one. I had no problem doing the whole course w/o pausing! This weekend I will swim and ride bike. Next week I plan to be at the gym every day and I will go into my Dr. on Friday and see how the gym is helping me! I'm learning A LOT from my trainer and a book I'm reading about healthy eating!
The changes I have made in my life are nothing short of a miracle. I'm learning that I'm worth getting healthy. And I'm not calling this a diet, I'm not saying I'm losing weight..............I'm getting healthy! Diets fade, weight comes back on......I'm getting healthy and I'm staying healthy. Eating right and exercising is now a permanent doing in my life!!!
God opened the door for me to go to the gym. He gave me the man who was made for me. And He gave me an awesome group of supportive friends and family! I am truly a very blessed woman who is never giving up on herself again!
I GOT THIS!!!!!
I CAN DO THIS!!!
Two of my favorite sayings now!!! :)
Friday, August 23, 2013
The Change...For Me
On June 6th, I was introduced on Facebook to a friend of a friend. His name, Terry. That evening, I signed onto Facebook and I had a friend request from him. I accepted right away and headed over to his page to say Hi! He wrote back and said Hi! We started private messaging on FB and as each day passed, our feelings grew. Our form of communication grew as well. We have yet to actually touch, but we have met "face to face" via videos sent back and forth. Prior to that, we talked back and forth on the FB chat on our phones. A wonderful friendship was being formed!
Prior to meeting Terry, I was a step away from giving up on the dream of ever finding the man who was made just for me. I'd gone through a few and I just figured I was destined to be alone. Even though my Bible has told me differently for as long as I can remember. I had also given up on being a mommy. That was a dream from the early age of eight. I gave myself to 35. I know the risks for problems are much higher in the later thirties and I refused to put an innocent life through that. That dream is truly laid to rest. But the dream to be married and happy was fading. Terry, I learned, was at the same spot in his life. I guess you could say we saved each other, but he truly is the best man who has ever loved me.
A few weeks into our relationship, I asked him, "If I wanted to lose weight, would you support me?" He was more than happy to do it. I told him I didn't want judgement, I didn't want being put down or be made to feel like I failed majorly if I didn't work out one day or ate something I shouldn't. He was more than anything I ever dreamed possible. He has NEVER put me down, he has ALWAYS built me up. Nine times out of ten, I'm the one putting myself down and he's the one helping me see that I didn't fail. When I question if he'll love me if I end up not reaching my goal and he says no matter what he'll love me, that amazes me. He's seen me, he knows my size. Soon he will know my weight. But nothing has made him run, nothing has made him lost interest. I haven't found Mr. Right, I found my soul mate. Never has this been a "me" thing. When I ask him questions or I start to doubt my abilities, he never says you'll get through this...he says WE'LL get through it. He's my team mate, my side arm. He's my supporter. He encourages me, never discourages me. He's always there to share in my excitement of what I did at the pool, or at the gym. He tells me he's proud of me.
Am I doing this for him? Am I changing my life just for him?
NO!
I'm doing this for ME because it's MY body and I have to LIVE in MY body for the REST of my LIFE. Does it help that I have such a HUGE support system in him, yes. Of course. But he isn't the one that puts the food in my mouth, he isn't the one that walks me into the gym. I am the one who refuses to eat a dessert that I know is full of calories that I just worked off. I'm the one who decides to walk into the gym and start changing my life. Do I look forward to the day he can walk in with me and join me? You bet your booty I do!!! Not only do I get to enjoy the benefits of my journey, he does as well! And I love that! But it's me...I'm doing this for me.
Prior to meeting Terry, I was a step away from giving up on the dream of ever finding the man who was made just for me. I'd gone through a few and I just figured I was destined to be alone. Even though my Bible has told me differently for as long as I can remember. I had also given up on being a mommy. That was a dream from the early age of eight. I gave myself to 35. I know the risks for problems are much higher in the later thirties and I refused to put an innocent life through that. That dream is truly laid to rest. But the dream to be married and happy was fading. Terry, I learned, was at the same spot in his life. I guess you could say we saved each other, but he truly is the best man who has ever loved me.
A few weeks into our relationship, I asked him, "If I wanted to lose weight, would you support me?" He was more than happy to do it. I told him I didn't want judgement, I didn't want being put down or be made to feel like I failed majorly if I didn't work out one day or ate something I shouldn't. He was more than anything I ever dreamed possible. He has NEVER put me down, he has ALWAYS built me up. Nine times out of ten, I'm the one putting myself down and he's the one helping me see that I didn't fail. When I question if he'll love me if I end up not reaching my goal and he says no matter what he'll love me, that amazes me. He's seen me, he knows my size. Soon he will know my weight. But nothing has made him run, nothing has made him lost interest. I haven't found Mr. Right, I found my soul mate. Never has this been a "me" thing. When I ask him questions or I start to doubt my abilities, he never says you'll get through this...he says WE'LL get through it. He's my team mate, my side arm. He's my supporter. He encourages me, never discourages me. He's always there to share in my excitement of what I did at the pool, or at the gym. He tells me he's proud of me.
Am I doing this for him? Am I changing my life just for him?
NO!
I'm doing this for ME because it's MY body and I have to LIVE in MY body for the REST of my LIFE. Does it help that I have such a HUGE support system in him, yes. Of course. But he isn't the one that puts the food in my mouth, he isn't the one that walks me into the gym. I am the one who refuses to eat a dessert that I know is full of calories that I just worked off. I'm the one who decides to walk into the gym and start changing my life. Do I look forward to the day he can walk in with me and join me? You bet your booty I do!!! Not only do I get to enjoy the benefits of my journey, he does as well! And I love that! But it's me...I'm doing this for me.
Where it all began...
I always joke and say that my lightest weight was when I was born. People laugh and I join in. But it's actually really true! As I've seen reading my school reports from grade school, I started gaining weight after first grade. Looking back, due to the sickness I had of losing my platelets in my blood, a steroid was given to me and I know they have a tendency to make you gain weight. And then other things happened to me that I won't disclose here and that caused more weight to be put on and that is where it took off...
I was never shunned, I was never put down, I was never made fun of. I was a very shy girl growing up and even today have a tendency to be, depending on the situation. I made friends easily, especially as I grew older, but in school, I had friends. I wasn't popular by ANY means, but popular girls were my friends. I was just never invited in because I didn't wear the right clothes, I wasn't pretty, and whatever else it was. Oh yeah, I didn't play sports and I wasn't smart. But I made a good friend...I guess. It didn't help that I had and still have a cute brother that was close to me in age. A few of my friends dated him and that was always...fun, let's say. Thankfully, time heals wounds and I hold nothing against anyone!
After graduation in 1994, I found a nice shell to move into and I closed myself off from the world. I never felt like I belonged in it and as much as I didn't want to be in the world, I felt like it didn't want me either. I soon found that I was searching for what I had yet to find...a life that wanted me. My twenties started the dating world for me...online dating so they could get to know me before they found out I was huge. I was falsely believing that if they could find out who I was on the inside, then the outside wouldn't matter so much. If I ever wanted to be right, this would be it. But sadly, I was wrong. My heart was broke a few times. That only caused my shell to grow since I too, was growing.
While living in Indiana (one of the heartbreaks), I started Weight Watchers. I learned a few things that I still use today. I lost around 70 pounds while on the program. Then life crashed and it came back plus some. The shell was still growing with me. A few more heartbreaks and I was done. I decided that I would never be loved because I could never be skinny. That was what men wanted and I wasn't able to be who guys wanted. Along with a past that decided to superglue it's self to me, that helped the self-hate and self-doubt to be drilled a little bit further into my heart and mind.
Even though I always lived in a shell, I loved being around people. I believe I was being who I was meant to be. I loved and still love making people laugh, making them feel important, telling them they're worth it. Whenever I go to a store to shop, I always make sure the cashier smiles or laughs before I leave their line. Not for gratification for me, but so they could smile. No one knows how their day is going, or if they're going through a bad issue at home or even work. So being able to make them smile, that could be a stress reliever and you won't be told Thank You and that's okay. I reached my goal and that makes ME happy.
Making goals for myself that are much bigger than making a stranger smile, has always been a huge issue for me. I got so used to failing in life that I had the attitude of "why try?" So, as you might guess, my shell grew even bigger.
Fast forward a few years to now and something happened that changed the course of failure, to a course of winning!
I was never shunned, I was never put down, I was never made fun of. I was a very shy girl growing up and even today have a tendency to be, depending on the situation. I made friends easily, especially as I grew older, but in school, I had friends. I wasn't popular by ANY means, but popular girls were my friends. I was just never invited in because I didn't wear the right clothes, I wasn't pretty, and whatever else it was. Oh yeah, I didn't play sports and I wasn't smart. But I made a good friend...I guess. It didn't help that I had and still have a cute brother that was close to me in age. A few of my friends dated him and that was always...fun, let's say. Thankfully, time heals wounds and I hold nothing against anyone!
After graduation in 1994, I found a nice shell to move into and I closed myself off from the world. I never felt like I belonged in it and as much as I didn't want to be in the world, I felt like it didn't want me either. I soon found that I was searching for what I had yet to find...a life that wanted me. My twenties started the dating world for me...online dating so they could get to know me before they found out I was huge. I was falsely believing that if they could find out who I was on the inside, then the outside wouldn't matter so much. If I ever wanted to be right, this would be it. But sadly, I was wrong. My heart was broke a few times. That only caused my shell to grow since I too, was growing.
While living in Indiana (one of the heartbreaks), I started Weight Watchers. I learned a few things that I still use today. I lost around 70 pounds while on the program. Then life crashed and it came back plus some. The shell was still growing with me. A few more heartbreaks and I was done. I decided that I would never be loved because I could never be skinny. That was what men wanted and I wasn't able to be who guys wanted. Along with a past that decided to superglue it's self to me, that helped the self-hate and self-doubt to be drilled a little bit further into my heart and mind.
Even though I always lived in a shell, I loved being around people. I believe I was being who I was meant to be. I loved and still love making people laugh, making them feel important, telling them they're worth it. Whenever I go to a store to shop, I always make sure the cashier smiles or laughs before I leave their line. Not for gratification for me, but so they could smile. No one knows how their day is going, or if they're going through a bad issue at home or even work. So being able to make them smile, that could be a stress reliever and you won't be told Thank You and that's okay. I reached my goal and that makes ME happy.
Making goals for myself that are much bigger than making a stranger smile, has always been a huge issue for me. I got so used to failing in life that I had the attitude of "why try?" So, as you might guess, my shell grew even bigger.
Fast forward a few years to now and something happened that changed the course of failure, to a course of winning!
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