July 1st I decided my life was ready to start a new journey! A journey to find who I am under all this fat.
I won't lie and tell you it's easy. Heck no!! When you've been overweight all your life and all the sudden you decide to get up and go exercise...your body tries to tell you it didn't get the memo. I wasn't brutal to my body. I started slow. After a week or so of doing one thing, I would think of different things to do to target certain parts of my body. By the end of July I was going every morning for an hour. I made a CD of different songs that were fast tempo so it would push me to go faster. I knew I was building up muscle and I knew I was losing weight. I lost 15 lbs in July.
When August started, I was still swimming and still eating as I did in July. I knew it would be a bit more rough with camping coming up so I did all I could before we headed out. And again, I won't lie and tell you it was easy while camping. NO NO NO!!! I was faced with more temptations than ever before. Raspberry filled donuts, Old Fashioned Glazed donuts, mini candy bars sitting RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME on the picnic table. My hands wanted to grab one SO badly. That's when I got up and went to get me a sugar free Jell-O pudding. Sixty calories instead of 40 calories in ONE mini candy bar.
From August to today, the 26th, I've lost another 15. Making the total 30 pounds lost.
Temptations will ALWAYS be around you. If they aren't, something isn't right! But if they are, you have what it takes to say NO! You have what it takes to say, "I'm worth getting healthy!" YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!! You can fight every single temptation and if they're getting to strong, walk away from it or...read the nutritional facts. That's what helped me get my pudding instead of the mini candy bar. Last night I went to Subway for dinner. While checking out, my mom looked at one of the gluten free brownies. I asked how many calories it had. I want to say 320. My jaw dropped...
Just remember...YOU are in control of what your body looks like! Hard to hear, but it's the truth and I face it every single day. I may be down 30 pounds, but I have MANY more to lose. Sometimes it's a very hard truth to accept, but I have no choice. I'm the one who has to see me, to dress myself, to shower....I see it, but I'm finding that I'm seeing the changes more than I'm seeing what I still have to lose. I think that's important to see your progress. Trust me...I feel a lot more changes than my body shows, but I'm feeling them.
Just like a baby learning to walk...they have to take the FIRST step. And before you know it, they're off and running with their new found freedom. That's how we need to look at the journey we're each on. I didn't just run to the pool and jump in. I took the first step outside of my house and proceeded to the pool. Walking into the gym...I opened the door and stepped in; my first step to working even harder to find Jen. Pound by pound she's being revealed!
I'm almost done with my 5th week at the gym. Let me tell you...there have been days I have wanted to stay covered up in my warm bed and just sleep. Just forget the world out there and let it go on without me for a day! The minute that thought comes to mind, it's shoved aside by the GET OUT OF BED NOW drill! I throw back the covers and get out of bed. Once my feet hit the floor, I don't get back into bed until my meds have taken over and it's time to sleep all night. I have taken a few naps though! I take Daisy outside and then I get my breakfast. I watch some TV or come onto Facebook while I eat. Once I'm done, I get dressed and gather my stuff that I take with me and head out. Once I get to the gym, I walk in like I belong there. Oh wait, I do! haha. I sign in, hang my keys up and get to work.
Realizing you're worth getting healthy...that can be a HUGE obstacle. It's been the biggest one I've had to overcome and it's working! It also helps that I have such a HUGE support team behind me who are SO encouraging, supportive, loving, and just freakin' awesome! It's important to have those kind of friends on your side. There have been some rough days and I wanted to fall down and quit. My friends have helped push me back up to remind me I'm WORTH it! If you don't have friends like that, PLEASE let me be that friend for you! I have wonderful friends who have taken that first step and are making a positive change in their lives to be healthy and fit. They text me, send me private messages on Facebook. They can even call me if they need to. I am NOT one to judge. How can I judge you when I'm walking in your shoes? That's impossible. At least for me. I'm here to help in ANY way I can.
Sometimes you just need that hand to hold to help you take your first step toward finding who you want to be! YOU CAN DO IT!!! And MOST importantly...YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Not Likely
A few minutes ago I was reading another blog and it was about weight loss and healthy eating. I would click on the recipes to see what made them healthy and the thought hit me that ya know what? There is a VERY high chance I will NEVER eat like that. And to me, that's okay. Am I adding things to my diet, I am doing my best. I eat MORE than I EVER have now, most days. We won't talk about yesterday! lol But really...I don't see me changing every single thing that I eat. I've added in more sources of protein. The shake I have once a day is....good. It's not great, it's not a yummy chocolate shake from McDonald's, but I drink it and I don't waste time. I know what the protein in the shake is going to do and THAT is what makes me grin and bear it. We have some protein bars and I've learned that it's not a tear a piece at a time and eat it slow. Nope. It's a take a bite, chew it, take a drink of water! They aren't HORRIBLE. You can't have the idea that "Oh it's just like a snickers! Surely it's YUMMY!!!" Nothin like a Snickers! It may be peanut butter and chocolate...yeah it's not anything like a Reese's either. Nope! NOTHIN like it! If a Reese's peanut butter cup and a protein bar were laid in front of me...I'd take the protein bar as hard as that would be. So I know, I'm making HUGE changes in my life and I am LOVING it, but I won't deny myself the pleasure of something that I would like to have. The last few days I have been craving a COOKIE, but it never happened and I'm okay with that. I think I'm doing well.
I'm the only obese person at the gym that I've seen. Everyone else there is fit and thin or have 30, 40 lbs to lose. Do I hide when I go in there? No. I walk up the stairs and if people are in the room where I ride the bike, I smile at them and get on the bike and ride. A year ago, well, a year ago I wouldn't have even walked INTO a gym, so just the fact that I do THAT is a HUUUUUUUUUUUGE break through. I go get on my bike and I start riding. The other day when I got there, I walked a different way to the stairs and I passed a guy who is there often when I am and he said Hi. I replied the same and asked how he was doing. He said he'd let me know. I laughed and told him okay! I never heard, but he did fine! There are two ladies who I've met and we often chat for a minute or three when we're working out! We encourage each other and it's just a great and friendly environment. I enjoy going very much!
Last night I didn't go until about 9:30. I got to working out and rode two miles on the bike going about 17 mph. I was beginning to think I needed my inhaler, but I kept breathing and made sure I could get that deep breath every now and then. After that I proceeded downstairs and worked my arms off. Not so much my butt, just my arms! I got home a little after 11 and soon after went to bed.
I was asked how I motivate myself. I had to think about it for a minute, but to be honest, some days it is Just. Plain. Hard. There have been times when I wake up and all I want to do is stay in my warm bed with my Daisy dog and relax; watch some TV. But then my head clicks on and I think, I need to get up and eat so I can go to the gym. I need to eat an hour before I go. So I get up and get started on my day. Usually by 10 o'clock I'm heading out to the gym. I told my friend last night, "If I didn't see such awesome results from coming here to the gym, I don't think I'd come. This is the hardest thing I have EVER done to myself physically." It's even harder than the self-defense I took; Krav Maga. If you know what that is, and you've seen it or done it, you know that it kicks your BUTT!!! I think the difference is, I went to Krav to not get a workout, I went to learn to protect myself. With going to the gym, I'm doing this because it's healthy and it's what I need and I see EVERY SINGLE DAY how it's changing my life and body. My lower back has been giving me some issues and while standing, I put my arms behind my back and I have ZERO PROBLEMS reaching back and putting my thumbs together at my spine. AMAZING!!!!!!!!! Friday at my mom's work, I was waiting for her to get off the phone and I put my fists on my waist. I stopped and thought Wait a minute. That isn't squishy like it used to be. There's less fat there now!! It lifted my down mood quite nicely! I was beyond thrilled!
So it may not be likely that I'll change my eating habits to PERFECT EATING, but it's VERY likely that I'll change my body to how it needs to be...fit and healthy! So if you're starting to change your diet and you feel torn...I've cut out a lot of stuff from my diet. Did I stop eating out? Nope. I used to drink Pepsi, Dr. Pepper...I stopped that and now, maybe once a day, I have a Diet Dr. Pepper. It's a nice treat and I don't allow my water intake to stop when I have one. When I need a chocolate fix, I eat a few chocolate chips. Are you asking how I can just eat a few?! It's because I put a few in my hand and put the bag back in the fridge and walk away. If you need to, go brush your teeth. That SHOULD stop you. I have friends who are emotional eaters and a lot of people are shocked when I tell them I'm not. I'm sure they're thinking Um...you're obese and you don't eat all the time? Here's some news for you...NOT eating doesn't make you lose weight and if it does, what's going to happen when you start eating again like you used to? Yep...nothing good. And you know what a HUGE change can be too? Portion control. Do you NEED seconds of spaghetti? Do you NEED a package of cookies instead of just one or two? Do you NEED a HUGE bowl of ice cream? You have to train your brain to know one is just enough. Because if you have that bag of chips on your lap while you're watching a movie or TV, or a jar of peanuts, or a bag of M&M's...by the end of the movie, how much do you think will be left in the bag? And if it's at night...where are all those calories you just unbeknownst to you put in your body, going to go when you crawl into bed and go to sleep? Everywhere you do not want them!! And then you'll have to go to the gym or take a long walk to work it off.
I'll leave you with a bit of knowledge I learned from my trainer...for a person who doesn't exercise and just goes about their day as usual, THAT person needs EIGHT glasses of WATER a day. If you're a person who DOES exercise on a daily basis, you need WAAAAAAAAAAAAY more then eight glasses of water. Even the one who doesn't exercise daily...they should be drinking way more than eight glasses as well. So don't lack on water. If you read this and go "How much is enough then?" A gallon. Go for a gallon and you'll be just fine. "But I'll be in the bathroom ALL DAY!" Perhaps, but you'll also be flushing out toxins from your body. Good trade dontcha think? :)
I'm the only obese person at the gym that I've seen. Everyone else there is fit and thin or have 30, 40 lbs to lose. Do I hide when I go in there? No. I walk up the stairs and if people are in the room where I ride the bike, I smile at them and get on the bike and ride. A year ago, well, a year ago I wouldn't have even walked INTO a gym, so just the fact that I do THAT is a HUUUUUUUUUUUGE break through. I go get on my bike and I start riding. The other day when I got there, I walked a different way to the stairs and I passed a guy who is there often when I am and he said Hi. I replied the same and asked how he was doing. He said he'd let me know. I laughed and told him okay! I never heard, but he did fine! There are two ladies who I've met and we often chat for a minute or three when we're working out! We encourage each other and it's just a great and friendly environment. I enjoy going very much!
Last night I didn't go until about 9:30. I got to working out and rode two miles on the bike going about 17 mph. I was beginning to think I needed my inhaler, but I kept breathing and made sure I could get that deep breath every now and then. After that I proceeded downstairs and worked my arms off. Not so much my butt, just my arms! I got home a little after 11 and soon after went to bed.
I was asked how I motivate myself. I had to think about it for a minute, but to be honest, some days it is Just. Plain. Hard. There have been times when I wake up and all I want to do is stay in my warm bed with my Daisy dog and relax; watch some TV. But then my head clicks on and I think, I need to get up and eat so I can go to the gym. I need to eat an hour before I go. So I get up and get started on my day. Usually by 10 o'clock I'm heading out to the gym. I told my friend last night, "If I didn't see such awesome results from coming here to the gym, I don't think I'd come. This is the hardest thing I have EVER done to myself physically." It's even harder than the self-defense I took; Krav Maga. If you know what that is, and you've seen it or done it, you know that it kicks your BUTT!!! I think the difference is, I went to Krav to not get a workout, I went to learn to protect myself. With going to the gym, I'm doing this because it's healthy and it's what I need and I see EVERY SINGLE DAY how it's changing my life and body. My lower back has been giving me some issues and while standing, I put my arms behind my back and I have ZERO PROBLEMS reaching back and putting my thumbs together at my spine. AMAZING!!!!!!!!! Friday at my mom's work, I was waiting for her to get off the phone and I put my fists on my waist. I stopped and thought Wait a minute. That isn't squishy like it used to be. There's less fat there now!! It lifted my down mood quite nicely! I was beyond thrilled!
So it may not be likely that I'll change my eating habits to PERFECT EATING, but it's VERY likely that I'll change my body to how it needs to be...fit and healthy! So if you're starting to change your diet and you feel torn...I've cut out a lot of stuff from my diet. Did I stop eating out? Nope. I used to drink Pepsi, Dr. Pepper...I stopped that and now, maybe once a day, I have a Diet Dr. Pepper. It's a nice treat and I don't allow my water intake to stop when I have one. When I need a chocolate fix, I eat a few chocolate chips. Are you asking how I can just eat a few?! It's because I put a few in my hand and put the bag back in the fridge and walk away. If you need to, go brush your teeth. That SHOULD stop you. I have friends who are emotional eaters and a lot of people are shocked when I tell them I'm not. I'm sure they're thinking Um...you're obese and you don't eat all the time? Here's some news for you...NOT eating doesn't make you lose weight and if it does, what's going to happen when you start eating again like you used to? Yep...nothing good. And you know what a HUGE change can be too? Portion control. Do you NEED seconds of spaghetti? Do you NEED a package of cookies instead of just one or two? Do you NEED a HUGE bowl of ice cream? You have to train your brain to know one is just enough. Because if you have that bag of chips on your lap while you're watching a movie or TV, or a jar of peanuts, or a bag of M&M's...by the end of the movie, how much do you think will be left in the bag? And if it's at night...where are all those calories you just unbeknownst to you put in your body, going to go when you crawl into bed and go to sleep? Everywhere you do not want them!! And then you'll have to go to the gym or take a long walk to work it off.
I'll leave you with a bit of knowledge I learned from my trainer...for a person who doesn't exercise and just goes about their day as usual, THAT person needs EIGHT glasses of WATER a day. If you're a person who DOES exercise on a daily basis, you need WAAAAAAAAAAAAY more then eight glasses of water. Even the one who doesn't exercise daily...they should be drinking way more than eight glasses as well. So don't lack on water. If you read this and go "How much is enough then?" A gallon. Go for a gallon and you'll be just fine. "But I'll be in the bathroom ALL DAY!" Perhaps, but you'll also be flushing out toxins from your body. Good trade dontcha think? :)
Sunday, September 15, 2013
A Little Bit of This...and of That!
This is me when I was 15 years old. I actually wasn't thin at this time in my life, but this photo was taken at such an angle to make me look as if I am. This is the ONLY photo I have that I can refer back to "I used to be this size." I guess I'm at the point that any size lower than the one I'm at now would be great! For the most part, I've dropped a size. I've always worn bigger clothes to hide. I'm finding I'm moving past that a little at a time. This morning, when I was getting ready for church, I walked into my room after my shower and said to myself, "Now what to wear?" I moved some shirts in the closet and saw a blue one I wore seven years ago (not eight as my FB status said...oops) when I worked for Lifetouch Preschool Portraits. After leaving that job in 2006, I moved these clothes to the back of the closet. I figured I'd never wear them again, but hope was always in the back of my mind. So I put on one of my new smaller tops and the blue button up from 2006. I slid it on and went, "Wow!!" I was beyond thrilled! I wore my black slakes and my boots. I wore blue and silver earrings and my blue bracelet my cousin made me. The button up didn't even come close to closing at the bottom of it, but I didn't get down on myself or discouraged. I was happy!
Yesterday was the end of my third week of going to the gym full time! I remember thinking on Monday, "another week for the gym" and before I knew it, it was Friday. Amazing how fast the week flies by! It helps that I have something to do every day. The bad part of the week was after Tuesday when I did some punching for extra cardio. The days following that, my right wrist was experiencing a LOT of pain; to the point I couldn't put any weight on it with palm down. I did my best to live with it and continued to work out with my arms one day, legs the next. Friday evening, I went to the gym later in the evening and when I went to the bicep curls, I curled the right arm and had shooting pain from my wrist to my elbow. I clenched my jaw and kept going. I'm not a quitter. The other thing that is really giving me issues is my knees. I've lost a total of 208 lbs off of my knees and I know they're very thankful for that, but I'm also very aware that there is still a LOT of weight to be taken off. Because of this, and because of the leg exercises I do and the walking, whenever I climb stairs or descend stairs, my knees get a sharp stabbing pain with each step taken. I have heard this isn't good. I've heard I need to get both my knees and wrist looked at. This is where I feel torn. Do I go to my Dr., who more than likely won't do much other than feel it and make it hurt and give me meds that I'm probably already taking? Do I go to my Chiropractor to have him feel it, make it hurt and move it to ease the pain and not be able to use it for a while, which means arm day will be cut? Or do I just deal with the pain and ice it on my own and keep up on the Naproxen?
Tonight I had my mom watch the Extreme Weight Loss season finale I recorded. I haven't deleted it yet and there's a very good chance I won't, because when I start feeling down or discouraged, it's Bob's story that encourages me the most. He said five words that slammed into my head and heart when I heard him say it. "I won't let obesity win!" And I've made that same commitment. I don't have Chris Powell to help me in person, but I have my trainer and I have Team Jen; which includes my Dr. and Chiropractor, and I know I can do this. Terry asked me tonight what I want with losing weight. I told him I want to be healthy, I want to be fit, I want to shop for cute clothes in normal stores, I want to be able to do things I've never been able to do because of my weight and fears. I've been overweight for the majority of my life. For what life I have left, I want to be happy. I want to pay this forward as well. I want to help people, inspire people, motivate people. I have a few friends who have joined a gym or started back at exercise/hiking because of my positive statuses on Facebook and here in my blog. My Aunt and Uncle just joined a gym and she wants me to come be her guest so I can show her what to do on the machines for her arms. My knowledge of that has come from my trainer. I'm excited to go with her and help her so she can get the best out of her time at the gym. By no means am I trainer, but if I'm able to help someone get started and stay motivated, I'm all for it! Every day I'm at the gym, I sit at a few machines that face mirrors, which I hate, but I'm getting use to, and sometimes I'm able to look at myself when I'm done w/ a machine, or resting between sets. Sometimes I get that negative look as I look over my body. And other times I see the fighter I am. I look at myself and I dare myself to change. I get back on the machine and punch out my next set. I am NOT a quitter and I WILL reach my goals.
If you find my blog and you've been wanting to lose weight, even just 10 lbs or 100 lbs, realize that NO ONE but YOU can make that happen. No one is going to hold your hand and spoon feed you. You need to be serious about it and take the bull by the horns and make it mind. You have the power to be who you want to be. Your life is a book...make it a best seller and always remember...
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Stone Work
Have you ever had one of those times when something is said and you instantly begin to think about it and give it life? I had one of those moments today. Very intriguing.
Because I have never been at a healthy weight, I have nothing to look back on to say, "I used to be this size, I can work toward that." Instead I get the, "Hmmm I don't know what I'm going to look like." Sometimes it's hard to have goals when you're missing that part of the puzzle. Well, today I was talking with a friend and she told me that a sculptor was once asked, "How did you know to carve David like that?"
His simple reply was, "I carved away everything that wasn't David."
Ever since starting on this new journey of getting healthy, I have wondered, who I am going to be when I've reached my goal. I have a number in mind, thinking and hoping I can reach it. Today while at the gym, I did a lot of thinking between sets. Around me were fit people, not overweight as myself, and I sat there thinking, "Will I ever look like that? Am I working hard enough? Am I here enough?" And as quickly as the thought came, it was replaced with, "I'm doing the best I can. I'm here an hour and a half to two hours a day." I refuse to kill myself in the gym, to work so hard I can't breathe or injure myself and be unable to work out for who knows how long." I love going to the gym. I was told today I'm the captain of my own ship. I can add in any machines I want into my workout. It's not that I've had a huge desire to do one more than the other, I was just wondering when I'd be able to add in more. Knowing I'm the Skipper of my ship, that's helpful.
Last week when I was going through a rough time, the picture I had in my head consisted of a road, me standing in the middle of it and all of you, Team Jen, standing close behind. You weren't cheering me on, you weren't encouraging me, and that's okay. It was a crucial time...it was now or never. Ahead of me in the picture stood nothing but myself and time. There was no mountain I had to climb, no shaky bridge I had to cross, it was just myself, standing there, keeping me from moving forward. I broke through that with the help from a couple of very helpful friends. And now, the picture I see in my head is of this same road, me standing there, Team Jen close behind, and a large stone in front of me. It's not one that I have to find a way around or over, it's one that I will create who I am going to be while chiseling away the old me. Every day I work out at the gym, every smart move I make with eating; that is what creates the new and chisels away the old. This journey is long, emotional, encouraging, disappointing...but also it's fun. I'm doing something good for ME for once. Learning you're worth getting healthy and being happy...it's a humbling experience.
While going through quotes tonight, I found this one and it couldn't come at a better time. Before I post it, I want to say, from the bottom of my heart, Thank You, to each one who reads my blogs, who encourages me, who support me, who love me, who care about me, who wants the best for me...you all mean the world to me and I am forever grateful to have you in my heart and life. Thank you for being you!
Because I have never been at a healthy weight, I have nothing to look back on to say, "I used to be this size, I can work toward that." Instead I get the, "Hmmm I don't know what I'm going to look like." Sometimes it's hard to have goals when you're missing that part of the puzzle. Well, today I was talking with a friend and she told me that a sculptor was once asked, "How did you know to carve David like that?"
His simple reply was, "I carved away everything that wasn't David."
Ever since starting on this new journey of getting healthy, I have wondered, who I am going to be when I've reached my goal. I have a number in mind, thinking and hoping I can reach it. Today while at the gym, I did a lot of thinking between sets. Around me were fit people, not overweight as myself, and I sat there thinking, "Will I ever look like that? Am I working hard enough? Am I here enough?" And as quickly as the thought came, it was replaced with, "I'm doing the best I can. I'm here an hour and a half to two hours a day." I refuse to kill myself in the gym, to work so hard I can't breathe or injure myself and be unable to work out for who knows how long." I love going to the gym. I was told today I'm the captain of my own ship. I can add in any machines I want into my workout. It's not that I've had a huge desire to do one more than the other, I was just wondering when I'd be able to add in more. Knowing I'm the Skipper of my ship, that's helpful.
Last week when I was going through a rough time, the picture I had in my head consisted of a road, me standing in the middle of it and all of you, Team Jen, standing close behind. You weren't cheering me on, you weren't encouraging me, and that's okay. It was a crucial time...it was now or never. Ahead of me in the picture stood nothing but myself and time. There was no mountain I had to climb, no shaky bridge I had to cross, it was just myself, standing there, keeping me from moving forward. I broke through that with the help from a couple of very helpful friends. And now, the picture I see in my head is of this same road, me standing there, Team Jen close behind, and a large stone in front of me. It's not one that I have to find a way around or over, it's one that I will create who I am going to be while chiseling away the old me. Every day I work out at the gym, every smart move I make with eating; that is what creates the new and chisels away the old. This journey is long, emotional, encouraging, disappointing...but also it's fun. I'm doing something good for ME for once. Learning you're worth getting healthy and being happy...it's a humbling experience.
While going through quotes tonight, I found this one and it couldn't come at a better time. Before I post it, I want to say, from the bottom of my heart, Thank You, to each one who reads my blogs, who encourages me, who support me, who love me, who care about me, who wants the best for me...you all mean the world to me and I am forever grateful to have you in my heart and life. Thank you for being you!
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Expectation and Questions
The following has been on my mind since starting my new program a week ago.
Prior to starting my new routine, I felt great about my workout. I knew what to do once I walked through the door. I felt many changes take place that week and in the end, I lost six pounds. This last Monday, I started the new routine and it's a lot more intense. That's not a bad thing. It's just made me question myself a bit more and that's not always a good thing. That's when my mind tries to talk myself out of doing what is good for me. So maybe you can help me out too. :)
I mentioned earlier, in a past blog, that gyms were NEVER my thing. And now that I'm a member of one, I can't imagine it NOT being my thing. I be sure and take Sundays off and even then I'm not liking it, but I know I need a day off.
Ever since Monday, when I had the asthma attack, it put a pretty big fear inside of me. I find that I'm not doing everything I've been suggested to do...the Helix machine, the spin bike...because after I do my cardio to start with and the liquid awesome has begun, I'm ready to go work on the machines and free weights. I work up quite the sweat and by the time I have to walk back up three flights of stairs, I want to sit down at the top. I don't of course, I make it to the bike, but today was leg day, and by the time I got upstairs after the workout, I sat down on another flight of stairs that are up there to get my breathing under control. I got up and went in to do the Helix machine. I'm not too proud to say I SUCK at that. I know I need to do more, but I'm able to do about 15 and my heart is racing. My legs want to collapse under me. I walk on the treadmill. I upped the incline today from 2.5 to 3.0 and I walked between 2.8 and 3.0. And then my stupid leg started to hurt. I went and rode a mile on the bike and called it a day. I rode two miles to start my warm up in 7:35 seconds!!!!!!!!! I beat my old time!!! That always makes me happy. Even if it's not a HUGE difference. Then I went downstairs and did my four machines. I upped the leg extension to 50 lbs and the standing curls to 50 lbs. The back extensions, I guess they are called, I upped it to 120 lbs. I can tell a difference in my back a lot since adding that one in and I do that each day I'm there.
Just to let you know too, I don't put all the weight and stuff in this to toot my own horn. I do it as remembrance for me so I can see how I go up with what I'm doing.
Today ends my second complete week at the gym. I always question myself about this.....am I doing too much weight? Am I right on with the weight? Am I failing myself because I'm freaked about having my heart explode? Am I expecting too much from myself from just being there TWO WEEKS...for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE? I know I'm not in shape, but I also know I'm getting there. Slowly. I feel a lot more than I see happening to my body. I was told today it was noticeable. I've been told it's really noticeable in my face. Which is awesome and it makes me so happy! Go back a few years and that would have FREAKED me out and I would have stopped and gained it all back. But now it makes me happy to see that I'm doing the right thing.
I have nothing to compare with what I'm doing. Karen asked me if I've ever been at the weight I was suppose to be. Nope. I've always been overweight that I can remember and I know why. It's getting worked on as well. So I have no idea what someone who has never stepped foot in a gym is suppose to do. I threw myself in with the help of my trainer and here I am. I guess I'm just scared that with what I'm not doing enough of, will get me in the end. Yes, I want my endurance up, I want to last longer on Cardio machines. I know it's gotten better in my everyday life. My mom and I went to Costco a few days ago and she commented on how much faster I walk now. And guess what? My leg didn't cramp. AND I WAS IN FLIP FLOPS!!!!!! Explain THAT one!!
I'm sorry if this post is all over the place. I guess my head is too on this subject. I guess I just don't want to fail and I feel I am with having this HUGE fear over my head and being too afraid to get my heart rate up to high speed chase numbers. I'm not sure how accurate the heart rate thing is when I ride the bike, but today it showed my heart rate at 147. I didn't feel faint or sick to myself. I was just working hard.
This is what my trainer told me when I was a bit worried about starting my new program this last Monday..."How much have you lost so far? Rhetorical question, 22 freaking pounds. That's a lot and you're only going to keep losing if you keep going. You're in it for good Jen, keep kicking butt!"
I know he's right. I just have a HUGE tendency to doubt myself and my abilities. I don't want to go anywhere but up with working out and losing weight and inches. I told my Dr. on Friday that I do not want ANYTHING to stop me from getting healthy. She agreed and told me not to get discouraged and to keep going, I'm doing great. I have ZERO desire to quit. I WILL NOT QUIT!!! There are waaaaaaaay too many awesome changes to turn back!
I guess I just need to believe in myself the way you believe in me. I'll get there! Don't give up hope! I hope you were able to get through this w/o wanting to pull your hair out! Thank you for your patience!
I will, however, end on a great note! I had my first protein shake after working out today! I had a banana in it with water, ice and the protein powder! It's good, just something to get used to! If you're my friend on Facebook, you'll see the photo! :) Tonight, while taking a shower, I was noticing my lats and how they're feeling stronger! Everything is getting a bit easier to do! I'm excited about that!!! :)
Have a great week!
Prior to starting my new routine, I felt great about my workout. I knew what to do once I walked through the door. I felt many changes take place that week and in the end, I lost six pounds. This last Monday, I started the new routine and it's a lot more intense. That's not a bad thing. It's just made me question myself a bit more and that's not always a good thing. That's when my mind tries to talk myself out of doing what is good for me. So maybe you can help me out too. :)
I mentioned earlier, in a past blog, that gyms were NEVER my thing. And now that I'm a member of one, I can't imagine it NOT being my thing. I be sure and take Sundays off and even then I'm not liking it, but I know I need a day off.
Ever since Monday, when I had the asthma attack, it put a pretty big fear inside of me. I find that I'm not doing everything I've been suggested to do...the Helix machine, the spin bike...because after I do my cardio to start with and the liquid awesome has begun, I'm ready to go work on the machines and free weights. I work up quite the sweat and by the time I have to walk back up three flights of stairs, I want to sit down at the top. I don't of course, I make it to the bike, but today was leg day, and by the time I got upstairs after the workout, I sat down on another flight of stairs that are up there to get my breathing under control. I got up and went in to do the Helix machine. I'm not too proud to say I SUCK at that. I know I need to do more, but I'm able to do about 15 and my heart is racing. My legs want to collapse under me. I walk on the treadmill. I upped the incline today from 2.5 to 3.0 and I walked between 2.8 and 3.0. And then my stupid leg started to hurt. I went and rode a mile on the bike and called it a day. I rode two miles to start my warm up in 7:35 seconds!!!!!!!!! I beat my old time!!! That always makes me happy. Even if it's not a HUGE difference. Then I went downstairs and did my four machines. I upped the leg extension to 50 lbs and the standing curls to 50 lbs. The back extensions, I guess they are called, I upped it to 120 lbs. I can tell a difference in my back a lot since adding that one in and I do that each day I'm there.
Just to let you know too, I don't put all the weight and stuff in this to toot my own horn. I do it as remembrance for me so I can see how I go up with what I'm doing.
Today ends my second complete week at the gym. I always question myself about this.....am I doing too much weight? Am I right on with the weight? Am I failing myself because I'm freaked about having my heart explode? Am I expecting too much from myself from just being there TWO WEEKS...for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE? I know I'm not in shape, but I also know I'm getting there. Slowly. I feel a lot more than I see happening to my body. I was told today it was noticeable. I've been told it's really noticeable in my face. Which is awesome and it makes me so happy! Go back a few years and that would have FREAKED me out and I would have stopped and gained it all back. But now it makes me happy to see that I'm doing the right thing.
I have nothing to compare with what I'm doing. Karen asked me if I've ever been at the weight I was suppose to be. Nope. I've always been overweight that I can remember and I know why. It's getting worked on as well. So I have no idea what someone who has never stepped foot in a gym is suppose to do. I threw myself in with the help of my trainer and here I am. I guess I'm just scared that with what I'm not doing enough of, will get me in the end. Yes, I want my endurance up, I want to last longer on Cardio machines. I know it's gotten better in my everyday life. My mom and I went to Costco a few days ago and she commented on how much faster I walk now. And guess what? My leg didn't cramp. AND I WAS IN FLIP FLOPS!!!!!! Explain THAT one!!
I'm sorry if this post is all over the place. I guess my head is too on this subject. I guess I just don't want to fail and I feel I am with having this HUGE fear over my head and being too afraid to get my heart rate up to high speed chase numbers. I'm not sure how accurate the heart rate thing is when I ride the bike, but today it showed my heart rate at 147. I didn't feel faint or sick to myself. I was just working hard.
This is what my trainer told me when I was a bit worried about starting my new program this last Monday..."How much have you lost so far? Rhetorical question, 22 freaking pounds. That's a lot and you're only going to keep losing if you keep going. You're in it for good Jen, keep kicking butt!"
I know he's right. I just have a HUGE tendency to doubt myself and my abilities. I don't want to go anywhere but up with working out and losing weight and inches. I told my Dr. on Friday that I do not want ANYTHING to stop me from getting healthy. She agreed and told me not to get discouraged and to keep going, I'm doing great. I have ZERO desire to quit. I WILL NOT QUIT!!! There are waaaaaaaay too many awesome changes to turn back!
I guess I just need to believe in myself the way you believe in me. I'll get there! Don't give up hope! I hope you were able to get through this w/o wanting to pull your hair out! Thank you for your patience!
I will, however, end on a great note! I had my first protein shake after working out today! I had a banana in it with water, ice and the protein powder! It's good, just something to get used to! If you're my friend on Facebook, you'll see the photo! :) Tonight, while taking a shower, I was noticing my lats and how they're feeling stronger! Everything is getting a bit easier to do! I'm excited about that!!! :)
Have a great week!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
To Save a Life
The title for this one comes from a favorite movie of mine. I thought it would be fitting for this post.
Monday started my new routine at the gym. Needless to say, my butt got kicked. I started with cardio on the treadmill. My trainer told me to bump it up to 3.3. Um...that's...wow. I did it and I could only do one lap before my leg started to throb. I went downstairs and started doing my five normal arm machines. I bumped the weight up on the Lat pull to 75 lbs. The pec deck I now do 40 lbs. Military press (shoulder press) is still 30 lbs. Tricep pull still 45 lbs. Bicep bar still 25 lbs. With that, we added back extensions to strengthen my lower back at 110 lbs, alternating bicep curls with free weights, I believe I did 40 lbs total. Dumbell press I think was 40 lbs total. The butterfly...that one I SUCK at. My right shoulder can't seem to work as well as the left. I did 20 lbs total on that and then I used a bar that weighs 15 lbs to do skullcrushers and I'm happy to report I didn't crush my skull! ha ha ha. After all of that, we went upstairs and I did a machine called Helix. If you don't know what it is, YouTube Helix Machine. That was very new to me so I wasn't on it very long. While I was doing that, my trainer went to set up to spin bikes in the big room. I got on that and he got on the other that was facing me and we started peddling. Then we had to go as fast as we could for 30 seconds. After that, I couldn't breathe; an asthma attack took over. My trainer talked me through it and encouraged me to do the right thing with how to breathe. We kept going after that and then we were done. We rode for about 10 minutes. I got off and worked on getting a full breathe. I was a walking dead person! My face was so red and my heart wanted to beat out of my chest. It was a good burn, scary, but good. I came home and took three Ibprophen.
Tuesday morning came early as it was my first day at the Jungle Gym. I got there around 8:30 and it was a full four and a half hour shift. But it was fun! After I was done there, I headed over to the gym. I went up to the cardio room after changing into my work-out clothes and started on the treadmill. I put it up to 3.0 for speed and that seemed to be plenty because soon after I started, my leg began to cramp. That just discouraged me even more than I already was. I pushed out the 2nd lap and then got myself downstairs to sit and massage the heck out of my leg. The bruise from doing it before is still there, but I can't care when my leg is so cramped up. I was told to start on the leg routine I normally do so I did. I wasn't into working out today as I have been and that really bothered me. I didn't say anything about it because tears were right on the brim. I think my leg extensions are ready to go up in weight. I'm at 40 lbs and have been since I started there a week and a half ago. I'm trying to move everything up. The ones I make look so easy, even though they burn, I need to burn more. After that, I went to the leg press. I was pissed off at my lack of motivation so I decided to up the lbs on that. I've been at 175 for a week so I put on two 45s and two 25s. Total of that was 205 lbs. I was happy with that. The standing leg curl, I'm still at 40 lbs. I'm not sure I'm ready to up that one. After that I went upstairs and did the Helix again...a bit longer than before. I went into the big room to catch my breath after I was done and then I did a few Roman squats. After that I got on the spin bike. I'm not sure how long I rode...not long. I did two sets of 15 seconds going as fast as I could.
I have this fear, I feel it when I'm on the spin bike or on the Helix, that I'm going to go so fast that I can't catch my breath when I'm done. That just freaks me out. I left the gym disappointed in myself and very low motivation. So after I got home, I came to my computer to let my trainer know what was going on. The dam broke and I just cried and cried. He gave me words of encouragement, as did my wonderful boyfriend Terry. They both gave me the same advice. So that's a plus!
After talking to Terry and my trainer and a couple friends, my mind set began to change. I started thinking about this getting healthy. I can't tell you the amount of times my mind has told me to just give up, the road is too hard, you can't do it. I will never forget what my Pastor's wife said one Sunday when I lived in Indiana..."Never say you can't. You CAN, you just need some help!" And I'm finding that very true in the gym. Something else I thought about was, I started this journey on my own. No doctor told me to lose weight. I made the choice. I asked Terry early on if he would support me and not put me down if I failed once or twice. I asked. I made that choice. I decided it was time. Being dedicated to go to the pool every single day and work as hard as I chose to, that's not something I ever thought I'd do. Losing 15 pounds in the month of July simply by changing the way I eat and working out everyday....I did it!!!!!!! I chose to save a life...my life. I lost my vision of who I want to be today. I lost the drive to get there.
I looked in the mirror today at the gym and I didn't see the Jen of today, I saw the Jen from before July. It broke me. It broke my spirit. My mind set changed after realizing the fears and why I lost my motivation. I have a battle to win and I'm not going to lose. There may be days I want to give up, where I hurt so badly I don't want to get out of bed (actually that won't happen because it's not suppose to), where going to the gym just isn't possible because I just don't want to go. It's then that I walk into my bathroom and look at my mirror and see this....
Monday started my new routine at the gym. Needless to say, my butt got kicked. I started with cardio on the treadmill. My trainer told me to bump it up to 3.3. Um...that's...wow. I did it and I could only do one lap before my leg started to throb. I went downstairs and started doing my five normal arm machines. I bumped the weight up on the Lat pull to 75 lbs. The pec deck I now do 40 lbs. Military press (shoulder press) is still 30 lbs. Tricep pull still 45 lbs. Bicep bar still 25 lbs. With that, we added back extensions to strengthen my lower back at 110 lbs, alternating bicep curls with free weights, I believe I did 40 lbs total. Dumbell press I think was 40 lbs total. The butterfly...that one I SUCK at. My right shoulder can't seem to work as well as the left. I did 20 lbs total on that and then I used a bar that weighs 15 lbs to do skullcrushers and I'm happy to report I didn't crush my skull! ha ha ha. After all of that, we went upstairs and I did a machine called Helix. If you don't know what it is, YouTube Helix Machine. That was very new to me so I wasn't on it very long. While I was doing that, my trainer went to set up to spin bikes in the big room. I got on that and he got on the other that was facing me and we started peddling. Then we had to go as fast as we could for 30 seconds. After that, I couldn't breathe; an asthma attack took over. My trainer talked me through it and encouraged me to do the right thing with how to breathe. We kept going after that and then we were done. We rode for about 10 minutes. I got off and worked on getting a full breathe. I was a walking dead person! My face was so red and my heart wanted to beat out of my chest. It was a good burn, scary, but good. I came home and took three Ibprophen.
Tuesday morning came early as it was my first day at the Jungle Gym. I got there around 8:30 and it was a full four and a half hour shift. But it was fun! After I was done there, I headed over to the gym. I went up to the cardio room after changing into my work-out clothes and started on the treadmill. I put it up to 3.0 for speed and that seemed to be plenty because soon after I started, my leg began to cramp. That just discouraged me even more than I already was. I pushed out the 2nd lap and then got myself downstairs to sit and massage the heck out of my leg. The bruise from doing it before is still there, but I can't care when my leg is so cramped up. I was told to start on the leg routine I normally do so I did. I wasn't into working out today as I have been and that really bothered me. I didn't say anything about it because tears were right on the brim. I think my leg extensions are ready to go up in weight. I'm at 40 lbs and have been since I started there a week and a half ago. I'm trying to move everything up. The ones I make look so easy, even though they burn, I need to burn more. After that, I went to the leg press. I was pissed off at my lack of motivation so I decided to up the lbs on that. I've been at 175 for a week so I put on two 45s and two 25s. Total of that was 205 lbs. I was happy with that. The standing leg curl, I'm still at 40 lbs. I'm not sure I'm ready to up that one. After that I went upstairs and did the Helix again...a bit longer than before. I went into the big room to catch my breath after I was done and then I did a few Roman squats. After that I got on the spin bike. I'm not sure how long I rode...not long. I did two sets of 15 seconds going as fast as I could.
I have this fear, I feel it when I'm on the spin bike or on the Helix, that I'm going to go so fast that I can't catch my breath when I'm done. That just freaks me out. I left the gym disappointed in myself and very low motivation. So after I got home, I came to my computer to let my trainer know what was going on. The dam broke and I just cried and cried. He gave me words of encouragement, as did my wonderful boyfriend Terry. They both gave me the same advice. So that's a plus!
After talking to Terry and my trainer and a couple friends, my mind set began to change. I started thinking about this getting healthy. I can't tell you the amount of times my mind has told me to just give up, the road is too hard, you can't do it. I will never forget what my Pastor's wife said one Sunday when I lived in Indiana..."Never say you can't. You CAN, you just need some help!" And I'm finding that very true in the gym. Something else I thought about was, I started this journey on my own. No doctor told me to lose weight. I made the choice. I asked Terry early on if he would support me and not put me down if I failed once or twice. I asked. I made that choice. I decided it was time. Being dedicated to go to the pool every single day and work as hard as I chose to, that's not something I ever thought I'd do. Losing 15 pounds in the month of July simply by changing the way I eat and working out everyday....I did it!!!!!!! I chose to save a life...my life. I lost my vision of who I want to be today. I lost the drive to get there.
I looked in the mirror today at the gym and I didn't see the Jen of today, I saw the Jen from before July. It broke me. It broke my spirit. My mind set changed after realizing the fears and why I lost my motivation. I have a battle to win and I'm not going to lose. There may be days I want to give up, where I hurt so badly I don't want to get out of bed (actually that won't happen because it's not suppose to), where going to the gym just isn't possible because I just don't want to go. It's then that I walk into my bathroom and look at my mirror and see this....
That's all it takes. That right there is what gets my butt in gear and out the door headed down to the gym to get healthy. Terry often reminds me, I didn't get this way overnight and it won't come off overnight. As much as I hate that, it's so very true. And even if being proud of yourself is wrong, then I'm wrong because I am DAMN proud of the steps I've taken and the steps I have yet to make. I will win this war, I will be healthy and fit and I will know I'm worth it.
Not all my posts will be giggles. I, like you, struggle. It's together we can get out of the pit with the muscles we have created, and move forward, only looking back to see how far we've come. I'm motivated, I'm hungry to be healthy, happy and fit.
Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to read my blog. It means the world to me and I hope in some small way, it can help you get the motivation you need. It truly helps me stay motivated knowing that you're getting motivated as well!
Remember, you're not just saving a life....you're saving YOUR life!
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